The end of my university days is here. Final exams are next week. This is the end. This is what the three and a half years were about.
For me, the university period was not about learning, or about becoming a good software engineer. Hell, I don't think I have learned much since my second semester. I think the only computer science learning I ever really did in university, or through university, was PF and OOP during my first and second semesters.
And thank God I learned those, because if I hadn't, I don't think I would've been a software engineer by now.
For me, university was more about realizing my goals, and where I want to be in life, and what I want to do, rather than how I can do that. Some people, or most people, come to learn the "how": how to become a good software engineer, how to become a doctor, how to become a mechanical engineer. But for me, it was about the "why". Why did I start this? Do I even want to be a software engineer? Is this even the right thing for me? I still do sometimes question this, but that's okay.
And to be honest, I didn't figure out the answer to this question until the end of my fourth semester. During those first four semesters, nothing was working out. I wasn't getting good grades, I wasn't interested in any skills, any projects, anything. To tell you the truth, in my fifth semester I downloaded a project from GitHub, and I couldn't figure out how to run it locally. Even ChatGPT wasn't able to help me, or rather, I couldn't or didn't bother to understand it.
And the problem? Envs. The project had some envs, and I didn't have an env file, due to which it was crashing. Mind you, this is someone who is 62.5% done with a computer science degree, and doesn't even know what envs are.
But, as I've said, university life was about figuring out the "why" for me, and not the "how". It took me some time to figure out the "why", and that time did cost me. But I am glad it turned out the way it did. Because if it hadn't, maybe I wouldn't have worked so hard to be where I am right now.
So, I guess what I am saying is: do not stress or worry if you are not understanding or finding things interesting that others are. You are not dumb, you are not incompetent, and you are not a failure.
You are just different. Maybe it isn't something you want. Or maybe it is something you want, but you are just having a hard time adjusting to it. And that's okay. Everyone has their own growth curve. Some grow linearly over time, slow and steady. Some are stagnant at the start and go absolutely ballistic later. The point is, don't worry and just keep trying.
Worst case, you'll fail and realize this is not for you, which to me is the best case because you found out early, with little stakes, rather than investing five or ten years in something and realizing that this isn't what you want. Because then, it would've been too late.
I'll see myself out.